WEST CHESTER, Pa. — A local salon specializing in hip hairstyles for old people has begun carding its customers to make certain they are old enough to qualify for the senior discount. Perhaps it should also warn them not to let their new hairstyles go to their heads.
“We gave one gentleman a textured fade, and he immediately denied knowing his wife,” said salon owner Denise Crumb, 46, who practices difficult conversations on a wig stand.
The salon’s signature look, the Assisted Living Undercut, leaves enough hair on top to suggest unfinished business while exposing the ears for medication instructions.
Other popular options include the Reverse Mortgage Mullet, which is business in front and increasingly complicated real estate in back.
Customers requesting something youthful are required to specify a decade. “Otherwise they leave looking like a drummer who has disappointed three separate generations,” Crumb explained.
Retired purchasing manager Walter Pimm, 78, received a silver pompadour so structurally ambitious that birds began approaching it with twigs. Pimm, who brings his own mustard to funerals, said the hairstyle had restored his confidence.
“Yesterday I walked past a skateboard shop without speeding up,” he said.
His stylist recommended a small amount of styling paste. Pimm misheard her and applied the entire container and now must bend over to get through certain doorways.
The salon also offers a discreet consultation for men seeking a man bun but lacking the necessary inventory. Available solutions include financing, strategic borrowing, and a waiting list.
Crumb insists that age should never prevent anyone from experimenting. Pimm agrees. He has already booked his next appointment and asked whether the salon can make his hair look windswept.
His daughter has stopped taking him outside.
Read more life-changing dispatches from a culture officially in decline by clicking here.
📬 Subscribe to Our Newsletter
[newsletter_form]
#Hip #Hairstyles #People
