Yacht rock happened when the seventies ran out of cocaine but still had studio time booked. Immaculately produced, emotionally nonthreatening, and smooth enough to leave no fingerprints, it flourished roughly from the mid-seventies through the early eighties.
Nobody called it yacht rock then. The term was popularized by the 2005 comedy web series Yacht Rock, because apparently civilization needed twenty-five years to determine what Michael McDonald had done. The yacht was essentially a metaphor for expensive-sounding music. Naturally, everyone subsequently took the yacht literally.
Unlike real rock, yacht rock never asks if you are happy. It assumes you have recently divorced, own white pants, and have somewhere to be near a marina.
10. “Reminiscing” — Little River Band, 1978. A four-minute invitation to remember a relationship that probably was not interesting while it was happening.
9. “Cool Change” — Little River Band, 1979. A man announces that he desperately needs solitude, preferably aboard something with teak decking and a financing agreement.
8. “Heart to Heart” — Kenny Loggins, 1982. This song demonstrates that a serious relationship discussion becomes considerably less threatening when everybody involved owns a synthesizer.
7. “Peg” — Steely Dan, 1977. Three minutes and fifty-eight seconds of expensive musicians making contempt sound like something you could order poolside.
6. “Baby Come Back” — Player, 1977. The definitive yacht-rock breakup song: she has left, he is devastated, but absolutely nothing will be permitted to disturb the tasteful electric piano.
5. “Ride Like the Wind” — Christopher Cross, 1980. A fugitive desperately races toward Mexico while Michael McDonald provides backing vocals, making this possibly the most relaxing felony ever recorded.
4. “Rosanna” — Toto, 1982. Toto throws drums, horns, keyboards, guitars, and half the L.A. session-musicians at the problem of missing a woman. It won Record of the Year.
3. “Africa” — Toto, 1982. Several California studio musicians attempt to explain an entire continent without allowing geography to interfere with the chorus.
2. “What a Fool Believes” — The Doobie Brothers, 1979. Michael McDonald sings about a man badly misreading a romantic encounter, proving self-delusion can win both Record and Song of the Year if properly arranged.
1. “Sailing” — Christopher Cross, 1980. The mother ship. Cross does not merely perform yacht rock here. He gently anesthetizes the Western Hemisphere and pushes it away from the dock. The song reached No. 1 and won Record and Song of the Year.
Ed1tor’s Note: Yacht rock ran aground circa 1984, when MTV demonstrated that musicians were expected to look interesting as well as sound expensive. The survivors eventually washed ashore on adult contemporary radio.
Read more life-changing dispatches from a culture officially in decline by clicking here.
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